On Art and Mistakes

Andy and I went to one of those Wine and Design classes in December.  We painted pictures of dogs with the help of trained artists.  If you follow my blog, you know that I dropped my art class in high school to take a remedial math class (even though I was also in Calculus that semester).  That is how bad I am at art.  What was amazing was that just when I was sure I had destroyed my painting, one of the instructors would come over, mix some paint on my brush, and even out my mistake so that I could keep going with a decent picture.  Sometimes she might say something like, “Yeah, well now let’s do this instead,” but every time what I thought was doomed for disaster was fixable in her eyes.

 

Yesterday, I was reading about the Israelites trying to enter the Promised Land for the first time, and I thought of that painting class.  The Israelites have traveled from Egypt to Canaan, and they are finally outside the city.  They send a group of men to explore the city and report back about it.  When the men return, 10 out of the 12 are afraid to fight for the city – even though they know God has promised it.  Those 10 men convince the rest of the Israelites that they can’t possibly win against the giant Canaanites.   “We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them,” they protest (Numbers 13:33).  Two men, Caleb and Joshua, try to convince the Israelites that the majority is wrong and that with God’s help they can take the city, but the people are frightened.  They refuse to fight for God’s promise, and they suggest picking a leader to take them back to Egypt – which means going back to slavery.  Angry, God threatens to kill them, but at Moses’s request, he agrees to forgive them for their sin against him and promises to bring them into the Promised Land; however, it will take 40 more years and all of the people 20 years old and older who grumbled against him will die.  Moses delivers the news to the Israelites, and the next morning, they tell Moses that they are wrong and will go fight the Canaanites that day.  Obviously, they don’t win.  God is true to his word, they are forgiven and they do get the blessing, but due to their sin, they have to wait for it. 

 

The passage made me think of the art class because, as a reader, it looks like the Israelites have ruined the story.  I spent all of Exodus reading about how they are going to the Promised Land, and in one move it looks like the whole painting is destroyed – like they have drawn a bright red line over the canvas and wrecked what God has been painting.  But they haven’t.  The picture changes, but God and his purpose don’t.  My friend, Rebecca, used to work at a Pregnancy Center, I remember going to a few of their banquets where guest speakers would give their testimony and tell how the Center had helped them.  I remember one woman talking about how she had become pregnant before she was married.  She discussed how difficult her pregnancy made life and how it caused an enormous strain on her relationship with her boyfriend.  Eventually, though, they got married and had their baby.  By the time she was a guest speaker, her life had reached a point of peace.  She had a beautiful family and an amazing testimony, but I will never forget her comments about abstinence and waiting for marriage.  I remember her saying that she reached her blessing, but that the road to the blessing was much more difficult than it might have been if she had done her relationship God’s way.  She discussed how much easier a pregnancy after college and marriage would have been than the path she took.  The Israelites probably would have agreed that living in a “land flowing with milk and honey” for forty years would have been preferable to living in the dessert.

 

Here is what is cool about God.  In my opinion, we aren’t going to mess up his plan.  We aren’t going to destroy his art.  God promised the Israelites they would enter Canaan.  And they did.  Their sin caused a delay, but they did not lose the blessing.  In fact, think of all God taught those children who saw how close they were to entering the Promised Land and then grew up in the dessert because of their parent’s lack of faith.  What might that experience have taught them about faith?  What lessons might they have learned that allowed them to march around Jericho to watch the walls fall down?  I suspect that God created an amazingly beautiful picture even with that red mark of sin.  It might not be the same picture he originally intended, but the purpose remained – he created beauty in the lives of his people and put them where he promised.

 

I hear people say all the time they are thankful for their bad decisions and the lessons they learned in times of sin.  Often they will say those are the times when God deepened their faith or taught them more about his character.  God is that big.  I’m not advocating sinning so we can grow in faith.  Had the Israelites followed God originally, they would have enjoyed 40 years of blessings that they missed because they didn’t follow him.  In fact, most of the adults died in the dessert and never lived in the land God promised.  Sin can cause us to miss good gifts from God.  But, sin is not something God can’t overcome.  He is bigger than all our mistakes, and bad decisions on our part do not mean he can’t take us somewhere beautiful.  God is a master artist, and we are prideful and wrong when we think our choices can ruin his painting.

For My Dad

Today is Father’s Day, so I’m writing about my dad.  I posted about him several months ago, and it was a much more “spiritual” post than this one will be so if you’d rather read it, you can find it here.

Today, I decided to just post a list of reasons why I love my dad and am thankful to have him in my life.

 1. I love his big laugh and huge smile.  One summer in college, I worked for my dad at his company.  I frequently ran errands around the little town of Wadesboro for his secretary.  Everywhere I went, people I didn’t even know immediately recognized me.  “You’re Tommy Vaughn’s daughter right?  I just love Tommy!” these little old ladies and middle aged women at the bank and the drug store and the DMV and Bojangles would enthuse.  The men, by contrast, would usually spot me and say, “Tommy Vaughn’s daughter, huh!  Good man.  Good thing you look like your mama, though.”  I think one reason all those people loved my dad was that he took time to laugh and tell a joke with them.  He isn’t the man who is going to sit on the front porch and talk for hours, but he is the man who will make your day great in the matter of a few minutes with a brilliant grin and a happy word.

 

2. I love his hard work and ambition.  My dad worked hard to build a successful business, and he is one of the smartest men I know.  He thinks quickly on his feet, makes solid decisions, and works harder than anyone I know.  One time I remember him telling me that the boss should be the first person to work and the last person to leave and should work twice as hard as the employees.  Even now, I respect most a boss who works earlier and later and harder than I do – and I work pretty hard and long.

 

3. He made time for family.  Even though he worked long hours, I honestly don’t remember him not being home for dinner.  Listening to my parents talk about his early days building Vaughn Contracting, it sounds as if he wasn’t home at all, but I have to search to find a memory that doesn’t include him at our dinner table.  I know he had to miss other events when we were children, but that daily dinner moment is one for which I remember him being present.

 

4. He is a fantastic husband.  One of my favorite memories growing up was at Christmas.  I was in middle school, and it was about the time in my life when my dad started enlisting my help with my mom’s gifts.  He always made me wrap what he bought, and in those days, he sent me on secretive missions to discover what he should buy.  I’d shop with my mom, notice what she liked, and report back so he could buy it.  That particular Christmas, he didn’t ask for my help.  Instead, he brought me the gift and told me to wrap it.  It was handgun in a case.  I about died.  “Dad, you can not give mom a gun for Christmas.  That is the most unromantic gift ever.  She is going to kill you,” I protested.  I tried everything I could to convince him it was a bad gift, but he was stubborn and insisted I wrap it.  The next weekend, I went shopping with my mom.  She was on to my yearly missions and kept making comments about things she’d like for Christmas – jewelry, clothes, furniture.  Overcome by guilt, I broke down and told her she was getting a handgun.  “I just think you should be prepared,” I said to her disappointed frown.  My mom is too sweet to rat me out, and when Christmas came, I looked over her shoulder with a pit in my stomach as she unwrapped that handgun.  But, when she opened the case, instead of a handgun, she found a beautiful, big diamond ring.  We have a picture of the moment she unwrapped that gift and the jaw dropping expression on my face is priceless.  I love that my dad bought her that ring.  I love that he made me think it was a gun knowing that I’d probably crack and tell my mom.  I love that he still kisses my mom in front of us and sends her flowers at work and carves their initials in trees when they are walking.  I love how he thinks of ways to make her day special.  I see those same traits in my brothers and the way they treat their wives, and I love that my dad taught them that.

 

5. I love that I can count on him.  As you know from my previous post about my dad, he is always there when I really, really need him.  When I had mice in my house or a car accident or a lawn mower problem, he would jump in his truck and drive 3.5 hours to Greenville to help me.  Now that I am married, he is probably so glad to give those duties to someone else, but I’m thankful to know that when I really need him, he will be there.

 

6. Besides being a fabulous dad, he is a terrific father-in-law.  My last favorite thing about my dad is the way he advocates for Andy and Grace and Alley.  He looks at all of them and sees the absolute best.  Last week, he was bragging on the way Alley had taught him to take his own picture with my mom.  He was demonstrating to me how she showed him to hold the camera up and at an angle.  I could have died laughing.  You would have thought Alley invented the concept for all the praise he was giving her.  I love the way he acts like Grace drinking his favorite drink with him is the coolest thing he has ever seen and for how he always makes Andy laugh.  I love how he has easily accepted each of these three people into our family and how, even though our family is pretty much known for giving one another a hard time, he never has a negative word to say about any of the in-laws.

 

These are only some of the things I love most about my dad.  He is incredibly awesome, and I could not be more blessed to have him in my life.  Happy Father’s Day, Dad!!

The In-Between Moments

A few weeks before the end of the school year, I was driving through my neighborhood to school.  At that point, I lived about two miles from Myers Park, and besides crossing one “main” road, I could get to school purely through beautiful, tree lined streets as kids with backpacks made the trek to one of the three schools near by – Myers Park High, AG Middle, or Selwyn Elementary. 

 

That particular morning, I noticed a mom sitting on the steps of her gorgeous house.  She was still wearing her pajama pants, her glasses had not yet been replaced by contacts, her hair was thrown up in what a younger woman might call a “messy bun,” and her cup of coffee was balanced on the steps beside her.  It was 6:30 am, and she was on the porch with her backpack wearing, elementary aged son in her lap reading him a book.  Their heads were both down, bent over the page, immersed in the story, and all I could think was, “What a beautiful moment.” It was one of those little pictures that could be easily missed, but it could not have been more precious.  My friend Sara is one of the people in my life who has reminded me to stop and slow down and see those moments. 

 

Sara is a photographer.  Her passion is catching the moments everyone else misses.  She will take bridal portraits and engagement shots, and she is a fantastic wedding photographer, but her true passion is family moments.  One time she told me that her favorite place to take family photographs is in a client’s house.  She said she likes to come when they are doing an everyday activity like making dinner or giving their kids a bath or reading bedtime stories.  Sara is purposeful about wanting people to remember that the most beautiful moments in life come in what she calls “the in between.”  Describing her passion she writes on her website, “I capture moments. In-between moments.  Because that’s where I believe life really exists. I capture those every day moments that you always want to remember. Those moments that touch the deepest part of your soul. Moments that are punctuated by a melodious laugh. A glistening tear. An intimate glance. Moments that you can’t manufacture. They just happen. They are real. And important. These moments are your family’s legacy. They are life.”

 

I love her description, and I love hearing her talk about photography because when I do, I can see Jesus in her.  Sara has helped me see the beauty in moments.  When I saw that sweet mom on the porch with her son, I couldn’t help think, “Wow.  I wish Sara was here.  What a great picture that would be.”  I noticed that moment in someone else’s life because of my friend, Sara.  Because of her, I am starting to see the beauty in my own moments as well.

 

Today, I woke up to a kiss on the cheek from my husband.  I went down stairs and packed his lunch while he stood in the kitchen, drinking the cup of ice water I had made for myself and laughing.  I drove him to work, and we joked with one another in the car.  After dropping him off, I went to the grocery store and had a short conversation and exchanged a laugh with a high school kid who was cleaning up a dog food spill.  Then I came home, and as I was unloading groceries, I saw a mom teaching her son how to ride a bike.  Now, I am sitting on the front porch with a cup of coffee (really good coffee), listening to the breeze in the trees and the birds in the air, and typing this blog.  In all of those moments, I got to experience Jesus.  Those are easy to miss moments.  They are not ones I would normally have even recognized, but my friendship with Sara and seeing her amazing photographs show me that there is probably more beauty to be experienced in an average day than we ever realize.  If we slow down and take the time, we have abundant opportunities to interact with the Lord and his creation.

 

The thing is, it is hard to slow down.  I know.  I’m a Martha up one side and down the other.  I wake up in the morning with an ambitious “to-do” list, and my mind usually focuses on one item and then the next and then the next.  And, if I’m honest, I have to say that I enjoy being busy.  I like being on the go and productive.  If I’m still for too long, I feel like I could jump out of my skin, which makes be feel guilty because I know the Lord says, “Be still and know that I am God.”

 

But you know what I’m thinking this morning?  I’m thinking that maybe being still is more a state of mind than a state of physical activity.  I think being still might mean opening our minds and allowing ourselves to see Jesus in the world around us.  To take our busy brains off our “to do” lists – even in the midst of actually doing that list – and be thankful for who he is and what he does.  Like Sara’s photography, being still might mean allowing ourselves to feel the Lord in the middle of packing lunches, and grocery shopping, and giving baths, and driving to work.  And if that is the case, I don’t want to miss a moment.

 

As a side note, if anyone is interested in Sara or her photography, visit her website at saraedavisphoto.com.  All the photos in this blog are hers and used with her permission. 
 
 

 

Pursuing Love

Andy and I went to Morehead City this weekend for his brother’s wedding.  On the way home, I told Andy it was one of those weddings that should have been featured in Southern Living Weddings.  They got married outside at a charming venue called The Boathouse.  It was simple and elegant.  The guests sat on unadorned white chairs and Ryan and Kristen stood under a plain arbor decorated with a white sheath and hydrangeas while they said their vows to each other and the minister read, “Love is patient.  Love is kind.”  They were flanked on either side by bridesmaids in sea green carrying baby pink flowers and groomsmen wearing light tan suits and bright pink ties with tiny white dots.  The ocean lapped against the shore and the sun was shining.  There was a light breeze.  Beautiful was an understatement.

 

I watched Kristen and Ryan say their vows, and their love for one another was abundantly obvious.  This is the third brother’s wedding I’ve attended since January, so I’ve been thinking a great deal about love and marriage this year.  I’ve seen gorgeous brides and fabulous weddings, and the exchange of vows is always my absolute favorite part of the service.  Ryan and Kristen’s vows were slightly different from the traditional vows, and one of my favorite lines was “I will love you as well when we are together as I will when we are apart.”  They said the lines so easily.  The words slipping off their tongues, their eyes shining with absolute adoration.  I said similar words almost a year ago.  It still amazes me, though, how humans are able to enter into these contracts.  These serious, lifelong commitments.  How they are able to make and keep big huge promises like, “Till death do we part” and “In sickness and health” and “As well when we are together as when we are apart.”  It feels mystical and magical and audaciously hopeful.  And I love it. 

 

I watch a wedding, and I get a glimpse of God.  I think of Hosea when the Lord says about the redemption of his people to himself, “And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me ‘My husband’….And I will betroth you to me forever.  I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy.  I will betroth you to me in faithfulness.  And you shall know the Lord.”  You know what is amazing about God’s words in those verses?  In the time he gave them to Hosea to deliver to Israel, the country could not have been more godless.  In fact, they had begun to use the name of the Lord synonymously with the name of a false god, “Baal.”  They epitomized unfaithfulness, and at their lowest, most miserable point, God pursed them and wanted to be called their husband.  The commitments are his.  The promises are his.  Israel was promising nothing, giving nothing, sacrificing nothing.

 

Over the centuries, God never stopped.  Like an eternally faithful, loving, merciful husband, his promises stayed good.  And those of his people were continuously inadequate and even nonexistent.    Our sin was so great that eventually he gave his son Jesus in the ultimate sacrifice of love, and Ephesians describes the relationship of marriage between a man and a woman like that of Jesus and his church.  Ephesians 5:22-24 says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband in the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”  Marriage should be a picture of the way God has loved his people.  Husbands should pursue and adore and fight for their wives the way God pursued and adored and fought for Israel.  They should shower mercy and forgiveness and faithfulness because of the vows they made on their wedding day regardless of their wives responses.  A lot of women have trouble with these verses on submission, but I honestly think they are harder for men.  All wives are called to do is to follow a lead – to help and encourage and trust.  Men are called to look like Christ.  If you ask me, that is a much harder, higher calling.  I think the difficulty of the calling to make the covenant of marriage look like God’s perusal of his church is why 1 Peter 3 follows the verses about Christian marriage with these: “Finally all of you, be like minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.  Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult.  On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called” (1 Peter 3:8-9).

 

I’ve been married just under a year, and I can already see that loving like Christ is impossible.  In his book, Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas said that marriage forced him to confront his absolute selfishness and sinfulness.  He is entirely right.  Every day, I fail to love Andy perfectly.  More often than I’d like to admit I find I am demanding my own way or nagging him about something or failing to build him up in love.  But in my defense, I know he struggles with the same things when it comes to loving me.  We are completely imperfect people, and we will never be the type of love for one another that God is for us.  But you know what we can get right?  That part about faithfulness and showing mercy and offering forgiveness.  That part about not repaying evil for evil, showing sympathy, love, tenderness.  Sometimes we can get that right.

 

Above all, faithfulness is valued in the wedding covenant.  Keeping the vows is not always easy, but God calls us to push forward and keep going in spite of struggles and imperfections and mistakes.  Malachi 2:15-16 says, “God made husbands and wives to become one body and one spirit for his purpose – so they would have children who are true to God.  So be careful, and do not break your promise to the wife you married when you were young.  The Lord God of Israel says, ‘I hate divorce.  And I hate people who do cruel things as easily as they put on clothes.’”  Why does God hate divorce?  Because he had a million chances to divorce us.  As his people, we have never been faithful.  In fact, we have flaunted our unfaithfulness and our sin, and yet he has never given up on us.  He has never stopped chasing us or pursuing us or loving us.

 

I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by couples who truly love one another and make marriage look easy, but recently, I’ve been more blessed to have friends in my life who have shown me what it looks like to love when marriage is hard.  Friends who have shown love and grace and mercy and forgiveness to their husbands in situations that many women would have used as grounds for divorce.  And those marriages are the ones that have shown me the beauty of Christ’s love.  The refusal to give up or get out.  The persistence to find love and solace in their husbands even when it isn’t easy and both partners are making mistakes.  Those couples remind me that God is good and that in his power we can do anything – like love in sickness and in health, till death do we part, and as well together as when we are apart.