What a Girl Wants

I won’t lie; my dating life was something of a train wreck.  I never was able to make a relationship last more than about six weeks. I am the one with all kinds of funny first date stories – the football game date with a guy who talked about marriage for the first 30 minutes, the blind set-up potluck date where I brought a pound cake packed with butter and Crisco to eat with my health freak vegetarian date, the one with the old college crush who showed up 45 minutes LATE!!  My dating life is packed with colorful stories and short lived relationships – mostly because either I or my guy made up our minds about each other very quickly, and we were never on the same page!  Given all that craziness, I don’t know why I think I have something to say about dating, but I DO!  My dating life might be full of colorful stories and random adventures, but in spite of all of that, I think the Lord did give me some insight on how to date wisely. 

 

So….let me begin my list of tips. 

 

1. Date prayerfully.  Ephesians 6:18 says “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.”  Who to date is a HUGE decision, and it shouldn’t be taken casually.  Scripture says you should pray about everything.  I think dating falls under the category of “everything” – anyone with me?  You are considering putting another person in a very influential spot in your life.  I don’t believe in casual dating one bit.  Dating is a serious decision and should be treated as such.  I pray about finding my lost car keys!  Why would I not ask God to give me direction about who to date?  Pray and seek God’s will.  Then make sure you are listening for his voice and not your own. 

 

2. Be prepared to hear God.  I have to warn you that when you pray about who to date, you might get an answer you don’t like.  In high school, once I started seeking God for who to date (around January of my 9^th grade year), I didn’t have a single boyfriend.  I did have opportunities for boyfriends, and I had several boys that I prayed about specifically (and even begged God to let me date), but I never felt peace about dating them.  God never granted me permission, so I didn’t have boyfriends until college – and even those were few and far between.  I know that sounds like a nail in the coffin for high school readers, but let me encourage you that high school is a great time to grow in your faith and dig deep roots for yourself. It is also a good time to learn how to do friendships with girls (talk about tricky waters!).  And honestly, I think most (not all, but most) high school boys really aren’t ready to be boyfriends.  Be gracious to them and allow them time to grow up and become strong men of faith who are driven by God and not their hormones or other friends or our secular culture.

 

3. Only date guys who are actively pursuing a relationship with Jesus and will support your relationship with Jesus.  So, here is the deal.  I know there are plenty of guys who call themselves Christians, and I know full well the temptation to say, “Well, he says he is a Christian, so it is ok for me to date him, but I would never date a non-Christian.”  Please remember that I’m not talking about what is sinful and what is not sinful.  I’m talking about what is wise and unwise, and it is UNWISE to date someone who calls themselves a Christian but whose life shows no proof.  If your relationship with the Lord is important to you, you will put someone in your life who is able to support you in that relationship.  Someone who says they are a Christian but isn’t, or someone who is a Christian but is not seeking to grow in their faith, is not equipped to help YOU grow in YOUR faith. 

 

4. Make a list of the qualities you want in a man.  Then find Bible verses to match those qualities.  If you can’t find a verse to support the quality, perhaps it shouldn’t be on your list (ie: big muscles is probably not a deal breaker).  Once you have made your list, use it to guide you in your dating choices.  There is no perfect guy, but you should be looking for a guy whose character lines up with God’s word.  You may even find a verse that spells out the kind of man you’d like to marry and then pray that God allow you to date men like that.  A verse I used when I was dating to help determine what type of man to associate with was 1 Timothy 3:2-3 which says, “Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.” 

 

5. Date with your head first before your heart.  If you use wisdom in who you date, you can protect your heart.  It is dangerous to “hang out” with a guy you know you shouldn’t date.  The better friends you become with this man, the more likely you will fall in love, and once that happens, you’ll have a much harder time following your convictions.  Be careful.  Guard your heart and limit the time you spend with him.  Remember the line from When Harry Met Sally: “Men and women can’t be friends.”  So true!!

 

6. Become a woman who will attract the type of man you want.  Proverbs 31 is a great place to start.  Be this woman – be beautiful inside, be a hard worker, be wise, fear the Lord.  Find a verse you want to exemplify (right now I’m working on Philippians 2:3-4 & 14-15 for myself) and pray that God will help you do it.  Don’t try to meet men in bars or clubs.  Follow Christ and make him your focus, and one day (if God has planned it for you), you’ll look beside you and see someone following God as faithfully and in the same direction as you are – and he is your man!

 

7. Remember that the point of dating is to marry.  I do believe dating is a process that should lead us to marriage.  Don’t date people you wouldn’t consider marrying – which goes back to #4.  Decide what type of many you want to marry, and if you find out your boyfriend isn’t that man, break up with him for goodness sakes!!  Don’t string the boy along because you don’t want to be alone.  If you have claimed Proverbs 18:9 and sworn to yourself that you will not marry a lazy man, but your boyfriend never does his homework because he is playing video games all afternoon or he oversleeps all his college classes and is on academic probation, what are you doing with him??  It is likely he will never change.  If he does change, ok, give him a second chance.  But don’t keep dating him waiting for him to change when he shows no signs of improvement.

 

8. Give grace.  The biggest lesson I learned while dating is that Christian guys aren’t perfect guys.  Every guy I have dated (once I made the commitment to date wisely in the 9^th grade), professed clearly to being a Christian.  They were all regular church goers and seemed to be growing in their faith.  All but one were all involved in attending or leading a Bible Study/Sunday School/Youth Group while we were dating.  I truly believe they were basically quality guys, but most of them didn’t date well.  They would go out with me for a couple of months and then quit calling.  A couple of them had some personal issues in their lives that kept them from being the best boyfriends.  One or two made a couple of poor choices that greatly hurt my feelings.  I had to learn to show grace.  Men are flawed and sinful just like girls are, and they make mistakes when navigating the dating process (as I have done, and you have probably done also).  I think that it is important to forgive in those scenarios, and let God handle the man. I’m NOT saying the solution is to stay in the relationship (that is a call you’ll have to make based on prayer), but I am saying that you should not let the actions of one or two or five J Christian guys define ALL Christian guys.  The solution to being treated badly in a Christian relationship is NOT to date non-Christians or swear off dating all together, just as the solution to having a negative church experience or two is NOT to quit going or change religions!  Guys aren’t Jesus, and they can’t do for us what He can, and they shouldn’t be held to that standard.  I’m not saying that Christian men don’t need to step up and be Christian men, but I am saying that you can’t control them – you can only control you.  Forgive them, let God convict their hearts, and keep following Him and dating with wisdom, and if the Lord has planned marriage for you, the process will pay off!

 

*If you are wondering why I didn’t mention purity in this blog post, see this one: Follow the Light!

 

*If you have any more tips, feel free to comment!!

Field Trips

Didn’t you just love field trips when you were a kid?  Remember riding the school bus to some exciting place, eating peanut butter and jelly or turkey and cheese (you got to pick!), and choosing a canned soda out of a cooler (before the schools became really health conscious)?  I bet you can name a few you took right now.  I remember going to Morrow Mountain as a kid, and it is where I learned to identify poison ivy and poison oak – 3 or 5 leaves equals bad news on little green plants.  Once, we went to the Indian Mound, and we learned more about Native American culture and were shown how to find arrow heads.  One brave teacher even took us to Charlotte to go to The Discovery Place, and I remember learning about static electricity and magnetic pull.  I was supposed to go to Raleigh to learn about government in the 4^th grade, but the class a year ahead of us took that trip, and a girl got hit by a car (she was fine), so we didn’t get to go – maybe that is why I know almost nothing about state government!  Field trips are awesome learning experiences.  I love them so much, that as a teacher, I took my kids on as many trips as I could.  In fact, we took three every year to a different college campus, and when my kids graduated from high school, the field trips where always the things they mentioned when discussing great high school memories. 

 

The great thing about field trips is that they give students a “hands on” lesson or experience.  When I took kids to college campuses, it gave them a preview of what it would be like to be a college student.  It allowed them a small experience that gave them a taste of what it was like to be something they weren’t.  Field trips were awesome in school, but they are even more awesome in real life.  This week, God revealed to me an experience that is giving me wonderful insight into who he is – very much like a field trip – and I can’t wait to share what I’m learning!

 

As you know, from my previous blogs, I just started a new job.  I am teaching 9^th grade at a school in Charlotte.  I am more than thankful to have a job, but making the transition has surprisingly been the hardest part about moving to Charlotte.  I thought missing my friends and church would be the worst part about moving, but it turns out that missing my job has been the worst.  You see, my old job at FCHS was the first job I took out of college.  In fact, it was even the first real interview I ever had, and I accepted the job in April before I was called for more interviews, so before this year, it was the only interview I’d ever had.  I spent five years at FCHS, and I quickly earned a leadership role in the building.  In addition to serving on some committees and leading some professional development, I was blessed to work in a strong department, so rarely was I under much scrutiny by the end of my time there.  Seeing an administrator in my room was an unlikely occurrence, and I felt like I had a lot of autonomy.  Teaching in one school for many years also allowed me to teach several pairs of siblings, and because my classes were yearlong, I got to know the kids well.  I had good relationships with the parents in the community, and last year, I really enjoyed working the baseball gates because it gave me an opportunity to catch up with parents with whom I had formed fairly close relationships.

 

This year is a field trip in a totally different environment.  This year, I am the new kid on the block, and I see an administrator in my room at least once every other day.  I have already been scheduled for a formal and peer observation since I am new.  I can tell that teachers are talking to each other about me and trying to determine whether I was indeed a good hire, and I have absolutely no reputation in the building.  On Open House night, a parent told me that he hoped I could handle the 9^th graders because I seemed too sweet to be a high school teacher – I haven’t heard that one since my first year teaching!  There are no kids telling my current students, “She is tough but fair,” or “You better not sleep in her class,” so I’m dealing with kids testing the limits and trying to discover what makes me tick on their own with no help from older siblings or friends.

 

This week, a conversation with a very well meaning school official left me in tears.  In a one on one meeting, this person attempted to offer what I'm sure was considered helpful advice, but considering my years of experience in the topic at hand, I only felt condescended.  I left work frustrated and upset and missing FCHS so much it ached.

 

When I finally allowed myself to pray about the situation, I realized that what got hurt the most in the conversation I had this week was my pride.  While I am not arrogant, and I do always work to make myself a better teacher and employee, I realized I had become prideful.  I was proud of my resume and the ways I was involved in school, and I was proud of what I was doing in the classroom.  I was proud that people noticed it.  Now, suddenly, I have nothing to be prideful about.  I have no accomplishments at my new school, no reputation, and no significant professional relationships.  I’m starting all over in all of those areas, but it is worse than my first year because I’m bringing to the table a head full of knowledge that no one knows (or cares) I have.  I am a nobody.

 

But you know what God showed me this week?  He likes nobodies.  Yesterday morning, he woke me up extra early, so I was able to do a little bit of Bible reading in the morning – a practice I usually do in the afternoon.  The scripture I immediately came to was Philippians 2:1-18. The verse that stood out first was, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”  Immediately, I felt like the Lord was convicting my prideful heart and reminding me that serving him and other people was more important than any other recognition.  The next verses are the most powerful, though, because they give the example of Jesus, who was God, coming to earth to be killed for our sins.  Verse 7-8 say, “Rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant being made in human likeness and being found in appearance as a human being, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death – even death on a cross!”  Jesus had EVERY SINGLE reason to be prideful.  He was God!  Instead, he was disbelieved by his family, disrespected by people who considered themselves religious scholars, and put to death by Roman soldiers.  I wonder if he ever wanted to just say, “Forget this!  You all don’t even know who you are dealing with!”  Maybe he did, but he didn’t.  Instead, he behaved with grace and wisdom, and he made us more important than himself. 

 

I love that the Lord has taken me on this little field trip and put me in a job that gives me a super tiny view of what Jesus might have felt.  There are times at work when I just want to throw in the towel and go running back to a school of people who know and love me, but I can’t.  Maybe there were times when Jesus longed for heaven and his position there, and he could have returned, but he didn’t.  He put our need ahead of his own desires.  I’m so thankful for his example and his gift of my new experience that gives me more insight into his character and how to be like him.  In this new stage of life, the Lord is reminding me to put my pride aside – it is sinful and of no use – and instead, embrace every opportunity to remember I am working for his glory and the benefit of other people.  Yesterday afternoon, I had an opportunity to help a new teacher with her lesson plans.  She is an awesome first year teacher but really struggling with her plans and her self-confidence.   Though I had several things I wanted to do instead, I felt the Lord knocking on the door of my heart that working out of selfish ambition and the desire to prove myself wasn’t the way, so I put my own “to do” list aside and planned with her, and instead of leaving work stressed, I left refreshed and thankful for the opportunity to become a tiny little bit more like Jesus.

Follow the Light!

2 Disclaimers:

1) This blog was written with Andy’s full knowledge and permission and was not posted until he had given it.

 

2) This blog would be beneficial to any reader, but my target audience for any blog (and especially this one) is always women.

 

I just started a Bible study by Mary Kassian, and today she had one of those questions where you were supposed to look up scripture and apply it to a question.  I’m embarrassed to say that one of the scriptures was Psalm 119:105, and I didn’t recognize the reference.  When I looked it up, I could have kicked myself.  The verse is, “Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.”  Sorry for the King James Translation – that is how I memorized it years ago, and therefore, how it must appear in this blog.  I love this verse. Today, as I was looking it and thinking about how God has given us the Bible to clearly guide our paths, I found myself drawing parallels to an activity that is happening in my classroom right now.

 

I am teaching 9^th grade IB students.  The IB program is similar to the AP program and allows students to earn college credit in high school and graduate with a special certificate indicating that they have finished the program.  The program is really cool because it truly focuses on the student as an entire learner.  One major goal of the program is to develop well-rounded lifelong learners and critical thinkers.  As such, when we do projects in class much more emphasis is placed on the process of planning and creating a product than on the product itself.  Right now, my students are writing children’s books that can be used to teach an important character trait.  I’ve given them really detailed instructions on how this project is graded, and I’ve stressed over and over the importance of the process – especially the brainstorming process – over the children’s book itself, but they are DYING to start their books.  It is taking everything I have to keep them focused on the instructions in front of them and not jumping ahead into their own thing.

 

Reading this verse and thinking about my crazy day in school today reminded me that we behave so much the same way with God’s words.  He has given us instructions that should make our lives easier and our reward greater.  About keeping God’s laws, Psalm 19:11 says, “In keeping them there is much reward.”  If my students would follow my instructions, their project would run much smoother, and their grades would be better.  Right now, they feel like I’m giving them extra work and making their lives more difficult.  They wonder why they have to fully document the process when they are ready to write their books, and they want me to let them off the hook.  However, I know that they are going to be evaluated by a certain rubric and that if they don’t take the steps to document their brainstorming now, they will regret it when they see their grades.  I think God is the same way with us.  He has given us rules and guidelines, but they aren’t for his benefit.  He isn’t trying to make our lives more difficult, and he doesn’t get pleasure out of watching us squirm.  He is trying to make our way clear.  He is trying to light our paths and make it easy for us to get the reward and to experience the joy that comes with following his word (Psalm 19:8).

 

Think about it – you have probably found yourself in situations where you really followed the Lord and felt such a great reward and so much joy from it, and you have also probably been in situations where you have not followed and been kicking yourself.  I have kicked myself sooo many times! 

 

I had a situation once in college where a close friend was walking a path I didn’t think was wise, but instead of showing her the love of Jesus, I turned my back.  I was horribly judgmental and prideful, and I was so critical of her decisions.  It was not the way the Lord would have had me do the relationship.  The lamp unto my feet said speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), and not let any unwholesome talk come from my mouth but only what was useful for building others up according to their needs (Ephesians 4:29), and to first take the speck out of my own eye (Matthew 7:5).  But I ignored all of that.  I walked in darkness, and I reaped that “reward.”  I destroyed a special friendship, and I didn’t have any part in seeing my friend walk back to the Lord.  She turned from the path she was on – but to no thanks from me, and though God has been gracious and brought me her forgiveness for my actions, we are no longer close friends.  There are times when I think of our friendship, and I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I had followed God’s word in that situation.

 

There are also situations where I have definitely followed the Lord and reaped such benefits.  I can’t believe I’m about to share this very personal detail on my blog, but I feel that it absolutely fits the topic, and maybe it will help someone somewhere.  So here it goes.  One way that I have been able, truly by the grace of God, to follow the Lord is in the area of purity.  Until my wedding night, I followed God’s call absolutely to be sexually pure – truly there was not even a hint of sexual immorality in my life (Ephesians 5:3).  I have to give credit to every guy I dated, and especially my husband, for making it so easy for me to follow the Lord in this area, but I also have to say that the reward for following God in this area absolutely could not be greater.  Until my wedding night, I think I followed the Lord kind of blindly.  I knew he said to be sexually pure – so I absolutely was (and if any girls out there want to know more details about what that means to me, please email me: shannonvspeight@gmail.com).  But after my honeymoon, I just had such an enormous understanding of why this precept was so important – at least for girls.  On my wedding night, I cannot describe how important it was for me to know that Andy was completely committed to me forever no matter what BEFORE I slept with him.  And he didn’t just say he was committed – he pledged it in front of all our friends and family and God.  He didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear – he showed me in a wedding ceremony.  Lots of guys say they are committed or they will marry girls, but we have to admit that there really isn’t a commitment until there is one!

 

I became so much more passionate about waiting for marriage AFTER I got married than before.  I can’t describe how thankful I am that I know with surety that Andy married me for myself and not for my body or what I can do for him sexually – in fact, those things mattered so little that he married me without knowing them.  I also look at the girls I know who sacrificed pieces or all of their purity and broke up with boyfriends before they got married, and my heart breaks for them and what they lost to a guy who didn’t want to commit to them.  My heart also breaks for their husbands who didn’t get to know them exclusively in that way.  I think it is equally as sad to see the message future husbands communicate to the girls that will be their future wives when they say, “I’m not ready to marry you – I want to finish school or save more money or buy you a ring or give you time to plan a wedding – BUT I do want your body now (or as much of it as you will give).”  How selfish – and what kind of ground work is being set for the marriage?  Certainly not the groundwork the Lord lay when he said in Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” 

 

I don’t want the message to be too harsh, so I’m going to shift gears for a moment.  Admittedly, the truth hurts at times, but the wonderful light giving truth of the Bible is that there is forgiveness for any sin.  Praise the Lord that he forgave me for my sin against my friend in college, and I’m also super thankful for her forgiveness in the matter as well.  God washed that away, and I know he no longer remembers it.  He can do that with sexual sin or any other area of sin in our lives that we are willing to turn away from.  1 John 1:9 says “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  He will make us totally clean and holy and right.  The sad part is, though, that sometimes the consequences of our sin linger.  For example, though I am right in God’s eyes and right with my friend, I have lost the relationship that could have grown deep in the years we were estranged if I had acted according to God’s precepts.  He made us right again, and I know that he can do that for any struggle of yours, but I guess I hope that this blog might speak truth to you that his ways are always so much better than ours, and that he gives us a light to direct our every path and answer our every question if we are just willing to follow it.  Just like my students.  If they don’t follow my instructions for this project today, we can still get them on the right track before it is due, but it would be so much easier for them if they follow my guidelines from the beginning.  If you are like me, you have probably messed up in some areas, are getting right some areas right, and trying desperately to follow in a lot of other areas.  My encouragement today is that you let God have the mistakes and that you be washed in his forgiveness (Isaiah 1:18-19), that you persevere in the areas where you are finding success (James 1:12), and that you strive to follow the Lord and his word with every decision that comes your way in the future (Psalm 119:10-11).

Be Ready and Keep Watch!

So, Andy and I are big fat nerds.  Truly.  I’m sure if you are someone who knows us, you are laughing and nodding your head and wondering why I’m just now discovering it.  Last week, I decided to work on another blog post.  (Yes, it has taken me a whole week to brainstorm and plan this post, but I hope it will be worth it.)  I was reading Matthew 25:1-13, and I was having some trouble with the point of the parable, so I decided to go around our house and gather some of our Christian books/resources that could help me gain insight.  Do you know that when I was done gathering, I had about 5 humongous books on the dining room table?  We have several extensive commentaries in this house, Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance, a Bible dictionary, and a Greek to English Linear Study Bible.  Might I also just add that I asked for the Concordance for my Christmas gift when I was in the fifth grade, and Andy asked for the Greek to English Study Bible this year for his gift from me?  NERDS!  And also to our great shame, these are books that are hardly used!  In fact, I had to learn how to use the Greek to English Study Bible for the purposes of this blog.  All those great resources going to total waste.  I think this might be a classic sign of the road to hell being paved in good intentions.  Hopefully, I’m turning over a new leaf in this area, and you’ll see more signs of this type of study in future blog posts.

 

Anyway, back to my week of study.  It all started with Matthew 25:1-13.  This is the parable of the ten virgins who went out to meet the bridegroom with lamps.  It is supposed to represent the coming kingdom of heaven; Jesus is the bridegroom, and we are the virgins.  If you’ll remember, the bridegroom in the parable is late in coming, and all ten of the women fall asleep.  When they hear the call that the groom is on the way, they all wake up to trim their lamps.  Five of the ladies are out of oil and have not brought any extra.  The other five have brought extra oil, and they refill their lamps.  The first five are forced to go to the store to try to buy more oil for their lamps and in the process, they miss the bridegroom.  When they try to get into the wedding celebration later, they are denied entrance and the groom tells them he doesn’t know who they are.  Jesus summarizes the parable saying, “Therefore, keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.”

 

My biggest questions after reading the text were “What does it mean to be ready?” and “What does it mean to keep watch?”  After all, the virgins who were prepared, had enough oil, and were waiting when the groom came were the ones who got to go to the party.  The others didn’t get to go because they were not ready.  And at the end of the parable, Jesus seems to equate being ready with keeping watch.  The girls who were prepared were ready and watching for the bridegroom.  The others weren’t.  But, truly, what does it mean to “keep watch” and “be prepared?”  How do we do that in our own lives?  I’m sure it doesn’t mean sitting on our porches, watching the sky, and hoping Jesus comes today.  It has to be more than that, but I couldn’t get my head around what it might include.  So, I did the first thing I always do when I am looking at a difficult passage – an internet search!  I have no idea how people lived without the internet!!  What a wonderful tool with so much information right at my fingertips.  However, most of what I found focused on how Christians and nonChristians can look very similar – they might both be sitting in church and appear to be watching for Christ, but the only ones who are truly watching are the ones who are prepared.  Interesting interpretation, and one I think really works for this passage, but it didn’t satisfy my questions. 

 

So, I started a “Speight house search,” which involved gathering all the resources I could find that might help me in some way.  Thus, the “Shannon takes over the dining room” show.  I used Andy’s commentary first, but it offered pretty much what the internet search had offered, and I wasn’t satisfied, so I decided to consult the Greek to English Bible next.  It took some time to figure it out, but can I just say it is the coolest thing ever??  It allowed me to pull out the words “ready” and “keep watch” and find their Greek translations.   Then I used Strong’s Concordance and the internet to find the Greek definitions and other places in the New Testament where the same word was used. 

 

I found the word “ready” in verse 10 (“The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet”) is the Greek word, hétoimos, and it means “ready because prepared, standing by, ready to meet the opportunity (challenge) at hand, ready because the necessary preparations are done or sure to happen as needed.”  I started looking up all the places in the New Testament where hétoimos appears.  It took me a while to find a theme because not all the verses applied to something we could do.  A lot of the verses used the word to mean something that was already done.  For example, when Jesus tells the disciples where to find the upper room for his last supper, he uses the word hétoimos to tell them that they would find everything already prepared for their arrival.  But then there are other verses that make it look like we do have some responsibility in being ready.  Finally, 1 Peter 1:3-5 helped me reach the conclusion that we can be ready for Jesus because he makes us ready.  He enables us to be ready. 

 

Listen to the verses in 1 Peter so you can see it too: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade.  This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who though faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.”  Our inheritance is already prepared for us because of Christ’s death on the cross and his subsequent resurrection.  We can have new life in him through our faith.  It is already there based only on his actions and on nothing we have done.

 

However, I don’t think this verse is satisfactory for explaining the parable.  In 1 Peter the emphasis is very much on what has been done for us, but the girls in the parable were prepared or not prepared based on their own actions.  I know that bringing extra oil could be a symbol for trusting Christ as Savior, and maybe the meaning ends there, but I personally believe that the word may also represent a little more. 

 

Titus 3:1-5 uses hétoimos to say that people should be “ready to do whatever is good.”  The scripture gives more clarification of what this means when it continues saying, “slander no one,” “be peaceable and considerate,” and “always be gentle to everyone.”  1 Peter 3:15 also uses hétoimos when it says, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope you have.  But do this with gentleness and respect.” 

 

After reading these verses, I think being prepared is a two part cycle.  I think it means trusting Christ for our salvation – salvation that was prepared for us based on his resurrection and not on anything we did for ourselves.  We don’t make ourselves ready for the banquet – he makes us ready.  However, because he has made us ready, I think we should be prepared to “meet the opportunity or challenge at hand.”  Demonstrating that we are ready might mean sharing the gospel verbally through our words and answers to questions or it could mean living out the gospel with our lives by being kind and considerate and peaceful and loving.  Additionally, I think the two might go hand-in-hand.  If we have really trusted Christ for our salvation and if we really knew him, wouldn’t we want to share him with others through our lives and our words?

 

The virgins in the parable that were set apart and accepted were the ones that were ready and prepared.  I think that today they would represent people who have accepted Christ as their Savior and are also living in a way that demonstrates they have made this choice.  For the record, I DO think the only requirement for heaven is to trust the Lord for salvation, but I AM skeptical when people say they have made that choice but don’t live in a way that shows it.  Looking at my own life, I just don’t understand how you can really know the Lord and not want to live for him.  That said, I also think being ready is probably an ongoing process on our end.  We will always be ready if we have accepted Christ because the Lord has made us ready, but to be the type of people who live in kindness and compassion and are prepared to give an answer for our faith will mean continuously growing in our love and understanding of the Lord.

 

The second word I studied from this passage, “keep watch,” also communicates a diligence and attention to our walk with the Lord and supports my belief that being the person this passage calls for is a process and a commitment.  I pulled this word from verse 13 that says, “Therefore keep watch because you do not know the day or the hour.”  The Greek equivalent for this word is “gregoreo.”  The English teacher in me must also point out that gregoreo is a verb, so it is something we do J.  It means “be vigilant, responsible, watchful, stay awake.”  As I used Strong’s to find other verses that used the same word, I was struck by the sense of urgency that is found in all the verses using gregoreo.  Some key verses that use it are: Mark 32:34, 1 Corinthians 16:13, 1 Peter 5:8, and Revelation 3:3.  The one that impacted me the most was the scripture from 1 Peter.  It says we must keep watch because “your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 

 

I have been a Christian for almost as long as I can remember.  I’d say at least 23 years.  And in that time, I have done a lot of Bible studies and engaged in more conversations about the faith than I could ever count.  I’ve heard all the talk about the devil and his power, but I have to admit that until recently, I always thought people gave Satan way too much power.  I’m a big fan of taking responsibility for your own actions.  It would drive me crazy when people would blame the devil for their temptations and failures.  I wanted to scream, but YOU are the person who fell.  It is YOUR fault – not the devil’s.  Stop blaming him and start taking some responsibility to change.  I still think we need to take responsibility for our actions, but I think a big part of taking responsibility might be just what Jesus commanded when he warned in the parable to keep watch.  And confirmed by 1 Peter, I think keeping watch means being aware of the fact that the devil is always looking for ways to invade our hearts and minds and keep us from being effective for Christ.

 

I know Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis is a fictional story, but it offers a Biblically based perspective on Satan that is quite interesting.  It shows Satan as cunning and tricky.  He isn’t blatant or obvious because if he were, we might not fall for his traps.  Instead, he takes us away from Christ by little incremental steps until we are no longer “keeping watch” and are instead completely relaxed in our own faith and our commitment to share Christ with others.  One of the first examples of the book is of a man who is on his way toward discovering more about Christ when one of Satan’s demons suggests to him that it is time for lunch.  The demon says that the man’s love of food is one area that he has most strongly under his control – in other words it is the area where the man is the most tempted, so it is the easiest distraction.  I have several areas of personal weakness, but one of the strongest areas is my need to be productive.  For example, right now I have spent almost 3 hours working on this blog post.  I’m starting to feel a strong pull to move away from this and toward my “to do” list.  Considering that spending quality time with the Lord is next on my list, it is also the thing I’m most tempted to skip by rationalizing that I’ve already spent 3 hours thinking about scripture.  Keeping watch for me would mean recognizing this temptation from Satan, and staying strong in my commitment to keep my quiet time even in the face of all the things I want to do today.  Your weaknesses may not be the same as mine, and the actions you take may be different, but keeping watch would mean knowing our areas of weakness and temptation and taking the necessary steps to strengthen ourselves in these ways.  If we don’t, we may find ourselves like the unprepared virgins who were locked out of the wedding banquet.  Jesus himself says that if we do not keep watch, we will miss him when he comes to us.  He warns to “keep watch” in the parable and in Revelation 3 which I’m going to use to conclude.  Below, I have typed the scripture and underline all the places where the word “gregoreo” is used.  I think you will find this scripture insightful and convicting, and will hopefully find new encouragement to keep watch and be prepared so that you do not miss Christ when he comes – in the form of a stranger (Matthew 25:34-40) or when he returns to earth again (Matthew 25:42-44).

 

Revelation 3:1-3: “I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead.  Wake up!  Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have found your deeds unfinished in the sight of my God. Remember therefore what you have received and heard; hold it fast, and repent.  But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief and you will not know at what time I will come to you.”