Didn’t you just love field trips when you were a kid? Remember riding the school bus to some
exciting place, eating peanut butter and jelly or turkey and cheese (you got to
pick!), and choosing a canned soda out of a cooler (before the schools became
really health conscious)? I bet you can
name a few you took right now. I
remember going to Morrow Mountain as a kid, and it is where I learned to
identify poison ivy and poison oak – 3 or 5 leaves equals bad news on little
green plants. Once, we went to the
Indian Mound, and we learned more about Native American culture and were shown
how to find arrow heads. One brave
teacher even took us to Charlotte to go to The Discovery Place, and I remember
learning about static electricity and magnetic pull. I was supposed to go to Raleigh to learn
about government in the 4th grade, but the class a year ahead of us
took that trip, and a girl got hit by a car (she was fine), so we didn’t get to
go – maybe that is why I know almost nothing about state government! Field trips are awesome learning
experiences. I love them so much, that
as a teacher, I took my kids on as many trips as I could. In fact, we took three every year to a
different college campus, and when my kids graduated from high school, the
field trips where always the things they mentioned when discussing great high
school memories.
The great thing about field trips is that they give students
a “hands on” lesson or experience. When
I took kids to college campuses, it gave them a preview of what it would be
like to be a college student. It allowed
them a small experience that gave them a taste of what it was like to be something
they weren’t. Field trips were awesome
in school, but they are even more awesome in real life. This week, God revealed to me an experience
that is giving me wonderful insight into who he is – very much like a field
trip – and I can’t wait to share what I’m learning!
As you know, from my previous blogs, I just started a new
job. I am teaching 9th grade
at a school in Charlotte. I am more than
thankful to have a job, but making the transition has surprisingly been the
hardest part about moving to Charlotte.
I thought missing my friends and church would be the worst part about moving,
but it turns out that missing my job has been the worst. You see, my old job at FCHS was the first job
I took out of college. In fact, it was
even the first real interview I ever had, and I accepted the job in April
before I was called for more interviews, so before this year, it was the only
interview I’d ever had. I spent five
years at FCHS, and I quickly earned a leadership role in the building. In addition to serving on some committees and
leading some professional development, I was blessed to work in a strong
department, so rarely was I under much scrutiny by the end of my time there. Seeing an administrator in my room was an
unlikely occurrence, and I felt like I had a lot of autonomy. Teaching in one school for many years also
allowed me to teach several pairs of siblings, and because my classes were yearlong,
I got to know the kids well. I had good
relationships with the parents in the community, and last year, I really
enjoyed working the baseball gates because it gave me an opportunity to catch
up with parents with whom I had formed fairly close relationships.
This year is a field trip in a totally different
environment. This year, I am the new kid
on the block, and I see an administrator in my room at least once every other
day. I have already been scheduled for a
formal and peer observation since I am new. I can tell that teachers are talking to each
other about me and trying to determine whether I was indeed a good hire, and I
have absolutely no reputation in the building.
On Open House night, a parent told me that he hoped I could handle the 9th
graders because I seemed too sweet to be a high school teacher – I haven’t
heard that one since my first year teaching!
There are no kids telling my current students, “She is tough but fair,”
or “You better not sleep in her class,” so I’m dealing with kids testing the
limits and trying to discover what makes me tick on their own with no help from
older siblings or friends.
This week, a conversation with a very well meaning school
official left me in tears. In a one on
one meeting, this person attempted to offer what I'm sure was considered helpful advice, but considering my years of experience in the topic at hand, I only felt condescended. I left work frustrated and upset and missing FCHS so much it ached.
When I finally allowed myself to pray about the situation, I
realized that what got hurt the most in the conversation I had this week was my
pride. While I am not arrogant, and I do
always work to make myself a better teacher and employee, I realized I had
become prideful. I was proud of my resume
and the ways I was involved in school, and I was proud of what I was doing in
the classroom. I was proud that people
noticed it. Now, suddenly, I have
nothing to be prideful about. I have no
accomplishments at my new school, no reputation, and no significant
professional relationships. I’m starting
all over in all of those areas, but it is worse than my first year because I’m
bringing to the table a head full of knowledge that no one knows (or cares) I
have. I am a nobody.
But you know what God showed me this week? He likes nobodies. Yesterday morning, he woke me up extra early,
so I was able to do a little bit of Bible reading in the morning – a practice I
usually do in the afternoon. The
scripture I immediately came to was Philippians 2:1-18. The verse that stood
out first was, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above
yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests
of the others.” Immediately, I felt like
the Lord was convicting my prideful heart and reminding me that serving him and
other people was more important than any other recognition. The next verses are the most powerful,
though, because they give the example of Jesus, who was God, coming to earth to
be killed for our sins. Verse 7-8 say, “Rather,
he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant being made in
human likeness and being found in appearance as a human being, he humbled
himself by becoming obedient to death – even death on a cross!” Jesus had EVERY SINGLE reason to be
prideful. He was God! Instead, he was disbelieved by his family, disrespected
by people who considered themselves religious scholars, and put to death by
Roman soldiers. I wonder if he ever
wanted to just say, “Forget this! You
all don’t even know who you are dealing with!”
Maybe he did, but he didn’t.
Instead, he behaved with grace and wisdom, and he made us more important
than himself.
I love that the Lord has taken me on this little field trip
and put me in a job that gives me a super tiny view of what Jesus might have
felt. There are times at work when I
just want to throw in the towel and go running back to a school of people who
know and love me, but I can’t. Maybe there
were times when Jesus longed for heaven and his position there, and he could
have returned, but he didn’t. He put our
need ahead of his own desires. I’m so
thankful for his example and his gift of my new experience that gives me more
insight into his character and how to be like him. In this new stage of life, the Lord is
reminding me to put my pride aside – it is sinful and of no use – and instead,
embrace every opportunity to remember I am working for his glory and the
benefit of other people. Yesterday
afternoon, I had an opportunity to help a new teacher with her lesson
plans. She is an awesome first year
teacher but really struggling with her plans and her self-confidence. Though
I had several things I wanted to do instead, I felt the Lord knocking on the
door of my heart that working out of selfish ambition and the desire to prove
myself wasn’t the way, so I put my own “to do” list aside and planned with her,
and instead of leaving work stressed, I left refreshed and thankful for the
opportunity to become a tiny little bit more like Jesus.
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