What I've learned in 12 Months of Motherhood...

I did this same post at 8 weeks and at 6 months, and now I cannot believe Daniel is almost one year old.  What a crazy, wonderful year this has been.  Becoming a mother has totally changed my life, and here are some things I’ve learned:

1. I’ve learned the capacity of which I’m able to love.  Loving Daniel is by far the easiest thing I’ve ever done in my life.  I would absolutely do anything for him, and I totally adore him.  Loving him this year has taught me so much about how our Father in heaven loves us.

2. I’ve learned to admire my husband in completely new ways.  He is such a good dad, and Daniel is head over heels for Andy.  It is so fun to see their relationship develop and have a front row seat to it.  It has also been fun to become a family this year instead of just a couple.  I’ve loved building our own traditions and having special moments with just the three of us this year.

3. In the same vein as #2, I’ve learned how hard I have to fight for my marriage.  Our first year of marriage was a year of learning about communication and how to connect.  Our second year was pretty much smooth sailing, but this third year has been a challenge.  We’ve learned that we have different views of family, and different expectations for what ours would look like.  It is crazy how building your own family can show you differences like that.  So, we’ve had to learn a good amount about compromise this year.  We also have a child who did not sleep through the night until he was ten months old (and didn’t do it consistently until 11 months), so we’ve dealt with becoming parents, moving to a new place, and taking new jobs in a fog of sleep deprivation.  It has not been an easy adjustment, and we are still adjusting.  But through all of that, I’ve learned that I REALLY WANT to be married to Andy Speight.  There is absolutely no one else I want to do life with.  I’ve learned a lot about his patience and the grace he is able to give me in my worst moments, and I’ve fallen more in love with him because of it.  I’ve learned the importance of date nights and connecting with one another even when we’re tired.  Even when the babysitter costs a lot.  Even when I worry about leaving my little man in the care of another.  Because I’ve learned that I’m a better mom when my marriage is strong, so every day, Andy is worth fighting for. 

4. I’ve learned that I can function on a whole lot less sleep than I thought I needed.  I think it is a super power moms have.  I’ve also learned that it is possible to “fight” with my husband at 3:00am because somehow he is sleeping through the baby’s hour long cry session while I lie away debating about whether I should go in and get him.  I put “fight” in quotations because I’m pretty sure Andy definitely doesn’t remember me ranting at him in the few moments he opened his eyes, muttered “Is that Daniel crying?” and then went right back to sleep.  How are dads able to sleep like that???

5. I’ve learned that I really don’t need new clothes.  Give me an extra $40, and I’ll spend it on cute things for Daniel.  New clothes?  My old stuff is fine as long as he looks cute.

6. I’ve learned that it really is impossible to keep a clean house – especially when you stay in it all day long.  Currently, there are toys all over my living room, leaves and dirt by the back door, and dried applesauce, oatmeal, juice, and some sort of prune concoction on my kitchen floor.  I could pick up and mop (and trust me, I will), but everything will look exactly the same after breakfast tomorrow.  I’ve learned to be ok having guests over in the midst of my mess.  Because, truly, if I wasn’t ok with it, we’d never have people visit.

7. I’ve learned that it is truly mind blowing the amount of things a baby is able to put in his mouth throughout the day.  We can hardly go to the park because he spends almost the whole time eating mulch – while I spend the whole time taking it out of his mouth so he won’t choke.  These are some noteworthy things that have gone in his mouth but fortunately not been swallowed: the leaves off my hostas, a stinkbug,  new tampons, Andy’s socks, and my very expensive, uninsured wedding ring that he was somehow able to get off the bathroom counter (hello early walker!).  Today, I had to call poison control for the first time when he ate my deodorant.  I’ve learned, also, that poison control may need to be a number I have stored in my phone.

8. The weight does come off.  It has taken me almost a year to lose all of my baby weight, but it has FINALLY happened. I know some people lose it so easily and practically right way. I thought I'd be one of those people because weight was never a struggle for me before. I wasn't one of those people, so this year has been a bit frustrating in the area of body image.  But it does come off.  Unfortunately, I've also learned that even though I weigh the same as I did before Daniel, and in some ways am in much better shape than I was before him, my body just does not look the same. And I'm pretty sure it never will again.  

9. Finally, I’ve learned that there is truly nothing better than being a mom.  It is the best role in the world.  Daniel brightens up everything about my days.  I am thankful beyond words that I get to be home with him every day and that I get to see him discover the world.  It has been one of the best years of my life, and for all the challenges, I wouldn’t trade a moment. 

Daniel Thomas, Happy Birthday sweet boy!  I’m so glad you are mine.

Then Satan Entered Judas

“Then Satan entered Judas.”  I read Luke 22 today, and this statement stuck with me.  “Then Satan entered Judas.”  It seems like your average transitional statement, but it changed the whole face of human history.  “Then Satan entered Judas.”

It made me sad when I read it.  It reminded me of myself.  At least 50 times this week, I think those same words could have been applied to me.  Then Satan entered Shannon.  Then Satan entered Shannon, and she spouted off that rude comment to her husband.  Then Satan entered Shannon, and she said the words she knew she shouldn’t about that certain someone.  Then Satan entered Shannon, and she refused to show grace.  Then Satan entered Shannon, and she refused to show kindness.  It could have been written about me.  I bet it could have been written about you too.

And here is the thing.  Those words always change things.  For Judas, the words meant he played the role in the crucifixion story that no one would ever want to play.  Because Satan entered Judas, he will live in infamy.  Hopefully, our choices won’t have as monumentally noticeable results, but when we walk away from righteousness, we will experience consequences.  We will experience fracture in our relationships and guilt in our hearts and missed opportunities for greatness.  Bad choices are not without consequence.  And there is sadness in that truth.

But like the story of Easter, there is also hope.  I love Luke 22:31-32 which comes only a few paragraphs down from the verse about Judas.  These versus are Jesus’ words addressed to Simon Peter and they say, “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat.  But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.  And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

You see, Judas wasn’t the only one to turn away that first Easter weekend.  Peter denied knowing Christ in the hours leading to Pilate’s final decision.  Peter denied knowing Jesus not once but three times.  What I love is that Jesus describes Peter’s faith as unfailing.  He turned away, yes.  Essentially Satan won that battle.  Peter’s choices by the fireside on that dark Friday night didn’t honor God, just like our choices in the heat of battle don’t always honor our Lord.  But unlike Judas, Peter’s choices that night didn’t define him.  Peter is remembered as an amazing apostle – as the rock on whom Jesus would build his church.  Peter turned away, but he turned back and in turning back, his life brought strength to others.

Peter and Judas had such similar stories on that first Easter weekend, but where one story only exemplifies sadness and loss, the other story brings hope and expectation.  Judas’ choice prompted him to end his life.  Peter’s brought him running to the arms of Christ.  You see, it is what we do after failure that defines our story.  Because, while our missteps don’t come without a price, we serve a redeeming God.  A God who wasn’t stopped even by death.  There is nothing Jesus can’t redeem, and there is nothing we have done that will keep him from fulfilling his plan in our lives.