Dinner is in the crockpot, laundry is in the washer, the
floor is newly vacuumed, and the baby is sleeping. I wanted to take advantage of the few minutes
of quiet to write a blog on what I’ve learned about being a mom for the past
eight weeks because it has truly been the best and hardest eight weeks of my
life.
What I learned during pregnancy is that people love to give
pregnant women advice about anything child related. They also love to tell their birth stories –
the more horrifying the better. For a
first time mom, those stories and advice are overwhelming and not always
helpful, but a few people have given me really good advice and encouragement
that I felt worth writing down to remember myself and maybe encourage others.
1. Labor is the easy
part. I was scared to death to go
into labor. I wouldn’t consider myself
to be someone with a high pain tolerance. In fact, to say I have a moderate
tolerance for pain is probably a stretch.
I mean I can handle a needle stick, but I burned my oversized eight
month pregnant belly on a cookie sheet when I was baking and whined in the
kitchen until Andy went to the store to get burn cream. I’m not into pain. But the contractions truly weren’t horrible
for me. In fact, the first eight hours
of labor wasn’t bad for me. I will admit
that in the last few hours before we went to the hospital, I sent a few text
messages to a friend telling her I was dying.
And, yes, in the moment, it did feel like I was dying, but the five to
six minute breaks between contractions were glorious. I’m sure that people who have quicker labors
would have different stories, but I’m thankful that what I felt of labor prior
to the epidural was completely manageable.
2. Get the epidural. I have NO IDEA why people want to labor
without an epidural. A coworker told me
that I should take it as soon as it was offered, and it was the best advice
ever. The nurses kept asking, “Are you
sure you want it? Once you take it, you
can’t get out of bed.” I actually
deliberated about whether I wanted to be stuck in bed before going for it. And I WAS confined to the bed from 3:00am-9:00pm
after getting it, but I’m telling you it was 100% absolutely worth it. Will do it again.
3. The first two
weeks are the hardest. First I’d
like address all those huge, pregnant girls who keep hearing the advice (in a perversely
smug tone), “Enjoy your sleep now because when the baby comes, you won’t be
getting it.” To them I say, I feel your
pain, and yes, even though you think you aren’t sleeping now, you will sleep
less with a newborn. BUT, give me the
newborn any day. I did not enjoy being
pregnant – and especially disliked the last month. Here is the nice thing about the newborn –
every day gets better. Every day, you
feel more normal, your hormones make you feel less crazy, and your baby will
start to sleep. Waking up every two
hours to feed a screaming newborn when your body is aching and gross and you
feel crazy is just plain hard, but it does get better. He will start sleeping every three hours and
then every four. Your body starts to
feel a little more normal every day. It
just gets better. But expect lots of
meltdowns in the first two weeks – I cried more in that time than I think I
have in months.
4. In the beginning,
you don’t have to be over the moon for your baby, you just have to keep him
alive. The same coworker with the epidural advice passed on this
tidbit. I have to say that I was pretty amazed
by Daniel once we brought him home, but right after labor all I could think
about was sleep and food, and the baby on my chest just seemed surreal. However, having someone tell me that I didn’t
have to be crazy about him right away definitely took the pressure off. I think too many times, people make women
feel like they should just be totally in love with their newborn, but when your
body is wrecked and your baby is screaming and you are beyond exhausted, it is
sometimes hard to feel in love – and harder when someone says to you, “Oh, aren’t
you just so in love??”
5. Baths help. One of my friends told me that baths help
the healing process. That might be true,
but baths helped my sanity. They were
the time that I could call friends and my mom and cry to someone other than my
husband. It was also really nice not to
have a baby on me – to feel like I was actually a person separate from my
child.
6. Mom guilt is real
and must be squashed. I’ve heard my
friends that are parents talk about “mom guilt” and I found it to be insanely
true when a month after his birth, Daniel became a formula fed baby despite all
the books I read about nursing, appointments with a lactation consultant, and a
billion other unmentionable activities.
I think I will always remember sitting outside of a nutrition store
where I had bought Fenugreek in a last ditch effort and talking to a friend who
told me to let go of the guilt and remember that the important thing was that
Daniel was not hungry and was gaining weight.
However it happened didn’t matter.
I think this will be the thing about being a mom – I will agonize over
lots of decisions that in the long run don’t even matter that much, and I will
feel guilt if things don’t pan out the way I expected. But when the guilt comes, it is important to
keep a long term perspective – most of what we worry about probably doesn’t
have many lasting implications.
7. Swaddles are
amazing. The baby cries in the late
afternoon. It is awful. Swaddles saved my life. Combined with a paci, they do absolute
wonders. Thank you, Emily Holland, for
that one.
8. The mom hair cut
is worth it. After Daniel was born,
the crash in hormones made my hair start falling out in handfuls. My hair was long, and it was annoying. The What
to Expect book recommended a cut to make it seem less noticeable that I was
losing so much hair. I scheduled one. I got it cut so short, that I pretty much
have to wash and style it in the morning – no pulling it up half wet – and that
is really good for me. It takes much
less time to fix since it is shorter, and being required to do that one thing
makes me feel at least reasonably attractive.
I don’t always get makeup on my face, and I still can’t fit into most of
my clothes, so being forced to fix my hair reminds me that I am still a woman
and not just a mom.
9. Smiles come and
are good. At about five weeks old,
Daniel started to smile at us. It was
awesome. It made me love him even
more. Finally, he was able to
acknowledge that I was a person he liked, and I felt us connect with each
other. After a month of catering to all
his needs, it was so nice to just to feel like I mattered, and I wasn’t just
there to change his diapers. Smiles have
made all the difference.
10. Girlfriends are
the best sources of encouragement.
Reading online and in parenting books is helpful, but the biggest
struggles I have had and am still having as a new mom are not ones I want to
post on a blog – these are the things I call my girlfriends about. I think it is vitally important to have at
least one person besides your husband to call – and thankfully, God has blessed
me with several. There have been times
when it made all the difference in the world to call my mom or a friend and
vent or cry or share fears or ask advice or whatever. Nine times out of ten my concern would be
something they had experienced themselves and could fully empathize with.
So those are my top ten pieces of good advice. I’m sure I’ll learn more tips every day. What an adventure this is! Now, the baby is
awake, and I have a workout with my name on it to get to at some point, so it
is probably time to conclude this blog! J
No comments:
Post a Comment