I have led middle and high school small groups for a long
time. So long that, this year, I will be
attending two weddings of girls who were in the 8th grade when I
became their small group leader! When
leading young girls, the issue of body image is always a topic of discussion
and struggle. In fact, long ago I
memorized Proverbs 31:30 and use it often to encourage girls. It says, “Charm is deceptive and beauty is
fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” There is another similar verse in 1 Peter
3:3-4 that says, “Don’t be concerned about the
outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.
You should clothe
yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty
of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”
These verses sound so good, and they are
perfect for women because, truly, which of us has not struggled with our body
image at some point? But, what I’m
realizing is that they are hard verses to let sink in to our souls.
This year, I have struggled with my body
image more than I have since middle school.
Being pregnant and packing on the pounds was not fun for me, but this
postpartum stage is much, much worse. At
least when I was pregnant, I had an excuse for my weight gain and people knew I
was large because I was growing a baby.
Now, I just look heavy. Last
week, I went shopping for a bathing suit for my family’s annual 4th
of July celebration because my bikinis were not going to cut it this year, and
as I stood weighing my options, I noticed another woman with a baby doing the
same. We started a conversation about
how depressing it is to shop for bathing suits a few months after giving birth,
and she admitted that she had cried in the dressing room. I had come close to tears myself when I stood
looking at the new cellulite on my thighs (because somehow my pregnancy settled
in my legs) and thinking about all the cute, skinny girls who HADDN’T had
babies that would be at my parent’s lake house this weekend. I feel the same way when I stand in my closet
of size 2 dresses, and know that none of them will fit me right now. I get so focused on and upset about my weight
that I forget the blessings the Lord has given me.
A blessing like a tiny, sleeping baby boy
who wakes in the morning with huge smiles for his mama. A blessing that I prayed and prayed and
prayed to have. Praise God we didn’t
struggle with infertility, but we also didn’t get pregnant as quickly as I
wanted and I spent months on my knees in prayer promising like Hannah that I
would dedicate this child to the Lord and raise him to serve Jesus. God granted my request, and while his birth
has made a serious mark on my body, I wouldn’t have it any other way. You see, what I need to remember in moments
of discouragement is that there are things more important than the numbers on
my scale.
When God sees his daughters, he isn’t
looking at our dress sizes. He is
looking at our spirits. Do we love
him? Do we give him honor? Do we serve him with our whole hearts? Do we have a peaceful heart? How we love the Lord and others is most
important. The world will try to tell us
otherwise and will repeat the message in every TV show and magazine cover and
even in the glances we sometimes give one another. It will be our job to fight the message – to share
God’s truth with one another instead. To
continue to tell one another and ourselves that our spirits are of more value
than our bodies. So this weekend, as I
pull on that bathing suit and stand in front of the mirror, I will try to
remember that loving the Lord and raising my sweet boy to do the same is more
important than the 15 extra pounds I’m carrying. And when the weight comes off, because I know
that in time it will, it will be even more important to remind myself that my
body is only a vessel for the Lord to use as he will – it does not define who I
am.
