When Daniel was 8 weeks old, I wrote a post telling what I
had learned about motherhood in two months.
I remember that when I wrote that post, I was experiencing one of my
first days feeling like myself again. I
had started sleeping a little, lost a tiny bit of weight, and was getting a
handle on my house cleaning and laundry.
Daniel turned six months old yesterday, and I’d say that we have shifted
into a new normal, and there are so many things I’ve learned in the past six
months and so many sweet moments I don’t want to forget.
The most amazing thing I’ve learned about motherhood is the
depth to which I could love another person.
I honestly believe I fall more and more in love with Daniel every
day. It is unbelievable how he has
captured my heart. His smile lights up
my life and his little accomplishments make me insanely proud. When he held his own bottle for the first
time, I almost cried out of pride for him.
It is actually kind of embarrassing how much he can make my day.
I’ve also learned that, as mothers, we are all doing the
best we can do. Before becoming a mom myself,
I definitely had all kinds of opinions about how children should be raised and
what good parents ought to do. Within
the first week of having Daniel, my “good ideas” had dissolved. I was already doing things I said I’d never
do – giving a paci, putting him in my bed, walking him to get him to sleep. Being a mom myself has given me so much grace
for other moms. And here is what I think
now. I think we should do whatever works
for our family, and I think we should encourage other moms in their choices to
do what is best for their families as well.
Recently, I read a Facebook post and corresponding comments
where moms discussed whether or not to let babies “cry it out,” and opinions
were so strong in one direction – which happened to be the opposite direction
of the choice I’ve made for Daniel on that topic. I thought that post was so indicative of a
problem we have as moms. We are all
doing the absolute best we can do. We
agonize over so many of our decisions and then we pick a path. Because we desperately want to do what is
best, we sometimes become defensive if someone else chooses a different
parenting path. What if they are right
and we are wrong? What if our kid is
doomed because we made the wrong choice?
In my short six months as a parent, I think I’m learning
that there are not many wrong choices, and there are a whole lot of right
ones. I love the books on sleep training
because they almost always include the line, “If your nature is against letting
your child ‘cry it out,’ this method of sleep training won’t work for you.” I think this is true of any parenting
decision. If a choice goes against our
nature or our parenting style, it probably won’t work, so why not just do what
we feel best about?
If putting the baby in our bed sleep or finding a great
daycare so we can work or letting them cry it out to learn to self-soothe is
the decision we feel the best about, we should do it. And we should give encouragement to friends
who are also trying to make the best decisions for their children and their
families.
Because, here is what else I’ve learned: as totally awesome
as motherhood is, it is also incredibly challenging. There are days when I second guess every
decision I’m making. Should I have
picked Daniel up when he was crying last night at midnight or should I have let
him cry for ten more minutes? Should I
be staying at home or should I have gone back to work? Should I be as rigid as I am about his nap
schedule or should I be more flexible and join more play dates?
Last night, we had a rough night with our sweet baby, and as
I lay awake in bed, I told Andy that babies should come with a handbook. I really don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m really
not sure if what I’m doing is right. But
here is what I do know: I know I’m
trying my best. I know I love Daniel
Speight beyond words, and I know I want him to be happy, healthy, and well
adjusted, so I’m doing everything I can to achieve those goals. I also know that, as his mother, I understand
him better than anyone else, so regardless of what anyone else thinks or tells
me, they don’t know him the way I do. Maybe
one day I’ll look back and realize the things I thought were important really
weren’t or that I could have been more flexible in some areas and more firm in
others, but for now, I am learning and doing the best I can do. And I’m ok with that. Or at least I’m trying to be.
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If you liked the last blog, though, be on the look out for a counter
response. A former coworker and
neighbor, who also has a seminary degree and has worked as a pastor, thoughtfully
messaged me his disagreement to that post.
I asked him if he would guest post a more detailed response, and he has
agreed to send a post when he gets a chance to write it. I know I’m excited to be able to showcase the
other, very thoughtful side to that conversation, and you may be interested in
reading it. So excited for the unity to
have these conversations and spur one another on in love!
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