Father's Day

This week, Andy and I went to the beach to celebrate our 3^rd wedding anniversary.  Since the weekend before our anniversary happened to be Father’s Day this year, we invited my parents and brother’s family to join us for that.  My brother is a new dad this year, so it was a great time to celebrate all these special men.  Watching the different stages of fatherhood also left me thinking about the impact a dad has.

My brother is the dad to a two month old.  He and my sister in law are such a good team and have adjusted to parenthood so well, but I remember that stage of life being a very stressful one in my home just one year ago!  It takes a lot of energy and patience to meet the needs of such a tiny human being.  My brother joked that for Father’s Day he wanted a day to himself without the demands of parenthood.  Did he get it?  Absolutely not!  It is amazing how much our parents do sacrifice for us.

Andy is an awesome dad to our sweet little 14 month old.  Daniel is only a year older than his cousin, but it is amazing the difference a year can make at this point.  In only a slightly different place than my brother, Andy is his son’s best buddy.  Daniel wakes up asking for “Daddy” (pronounced Dad-D in his little voice).  They play and tickle and run together.  Daddy coming home from work is the best part of Daniel’s day.  It is absolute hero worship, and I love it.

My dad has three grown children.  His role is so obviously different than the other two dads we celebrated.  He has learned to let go and let us be the people he has raised us to be.  My brothers and I are very different in terms of personality, but we have also ended up in different places professionally and geographically.  My youngest brother lives with his wife in Texas, and it was clear how much my dad missed his presence – which is absent at most of our family events.  We’ve chosen very different career paths for ourselves and none of us followed in my dad’s footsteps to take over his contracting business, even though the offer was on the table for all of us.  What I love about my dad, though, is that he understands what we all do, and he takes the time to talk with us about our career choices.  I know he is more comfortable with the business world that my brothers occupy, but he has always listened to my stories about teaching or my students and found ways to relate.  I feel like so many people talk about education as if they understand it because they were once students (an attitude that is of insane annoyance to a public school teacher for the record!), but my dad is not like that.  He listens to the current struggles and reads articles about education, which he either discusses with or sends to me.  And when I quit teaching face to face and began teaching online so that I could be home with Daniel, he took the time to understand how that worked, too.  And here is what I really love.  My brothers are incredibly ambitious in their careers – just as my dad was.  I was ambitious too before I became a mom, but now, I work online simply to give us a budget that keeps me home with Daniel.  And in my dad’s eyes, I know there is no shame in my decision to give up my career for my family.  I know that he is proud of me – even if for different reasons than his pride for my brothers.

This week as I reflected on a father’s role in our lives, I told Andy that it is amazing what a big, imposing role fathers have.  They are like giants in our lives, I think.  I see it with Daniel, and I see it in myself as a daughter.  To Daniel, his daddy is bigger than life.  When Andy is around, Daniel could jump out of his skin with excitement.  When Andy is gone, Daniel asks about him frequently.  I’m Daniel’s primary care giver – I feed him all his meals, change most of his diapers, and play with him for hours throughout the day, but those times with me are a given to him.  The time with daddy is special.  If he falls and hurts himself, Daniel wants his mommy who he knows will come at a moment’s notice, but if he is feeling good, he has eyes only for daddy.

Watching Daniel, at such a young age, interact differently with Andy and me, makes me think that generally, we accept that our mothers will always be there because they always have been.  Mothers occupy a quiet, constant space in our lives like the air we breathe – unless they are missing, we barely notice their presence.  Dads are more like a shooting star or a brilliant summer thunderstorm – they are big and bold and impactful.  I want to make my dad proud of me.  I want to earn his admiration and approval.  There is something about his role in my life that makes me want to please him.  By contrast, I know my mom will always be for me what she has always been – encouraging, loving, affirming.  And I love this give and take.  Moms give children consistency and security, but dads push them to be great.  Dads make us excel and work hard and strive to be the best.  Dads add excitement and energy and even focus to a home.  What a wonderful role – that of fathers.  And this Father’s Day, I was so glad I got the chance to spend it with my three favorite dads!