The Good Things

I’m struggling lately.  I’m struggling with bitterness and resentment and anger and unforgiveness.  It has been an ongoing struggle, and I was going to write a blog about forgiveness and how it is like pushing a piano across a room only to have it show up in the same place again the next day – an image of forgiveness from Shauna Niequist that I can’t forget.  Because she is right.  Trying to forgive is like pushing a piano day after day after day.  It feels like hard work, and it feels never ending.

But I’m also reading a book by Ann Voskamp called One Thousand Gifts, and I read about thankfulness this weekend, and now I don’t want to write a blog about struggle.  I want to write a blog that makes me feel set free.  Even for a moment.  Because I think that might mean winning in this piano pushing game.

So, I’m shifting my focus.  I’m combating bitterness and frustration with thankfulness, and maybe in my mentions of thanks, you’ll feel thankful, too. 

Health.  In a world of broken bodies and heartache, I’m thankful that, for now, my family is healthy.  I’m thankful that we run and dance and play and talk and laugh.  Family.  My husband who is patient and kind and loving and understanding.  Who is literally everything I prayed I’d find in a spouse.  Who loves me in ways I don’t think another person would be able to.  Our son who is absolutely my favorite little boy in the world.  His laughter and sweet mischievousness.  His huge hugs and his sleepy cuddles.  His silly words and his made up jokes.  The fact that I get to spend every single day with him.  Our finances and the way God has so consistently provided for us.  And even abundantly blesses us.  Our home, our big, shady backyard.  The friends and neighbors that surround us and bring joy.  For all of these I’m thankful.

I’m thankful for other things as well.  For a community of friends who pray for me.  For text messages at just the right time.  For shared struggles.  For shared joys.  For funny stories, girls weekends, laughter, good food.  Hot showers and bubble baths.  Baking bread and little hands that “help” make it.  Cuddled book reading marathons – Red Truck requested over and over and over.  Clean laundry and scented candles and date nights and preschool mornings.  Movie nights and pizza and answered prayers.  Yoga pants and fuzzy slippers and lipstick and really good chocolate.  So many good things.

I might have one piano to push.  One piano that just seems stuck sometimes, and arms that feel weary, and tears that come when I wonder how long I’ll have to keep pushing.  I might have that.  But I also have so much thanks.  And this thanks gets lost in the piano pushing.  The good things become over shadowed and even stolen.  And this morning, I’m taking them back.  I’m taking back my good things.  My many, many good things.  And that piano might still be there.  But so is Jesus.  Reminding me that when I am weak, then  I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:10).