I will Sing For Joy

There is a song that has been sweet to me in this season we are in and one of the lyrics says, “I will sing for joy when my heart is heavy.”  I always want to change the word “heavy” to “breaking” because in this season, every time I’ve sung the song, it feels like my heart is literally breaking in my chest.  But, at the same time, I love that idea of defiance that even in the midst of a situation I don’t understand and don’t like, I can praise the Lord that he is good and faithful and abundant in love.  Even if I can’t see the big picture, I know what truth is, and sometimes you just have to sing truth to confusion.

Today is moving day.  This is my last morning drinking coffee at 465 Craver Pointe.  The bank graciously pays to have our house packed, so I’m not surrounded by boxes right now, and the whole thing feels surreal.  Today would be such a tempting day to look back at all I’m leaving, but instead, I want to take a second to record some of the ways God has been faithful, so I don’t forget.

1.       The moving package.  The bank has been more than generous in the moving package.  In more ways than I can count, they have eased the financial burden of moving.  They have considered every need – from babysitters for house hunting days to hotels for nights in between closings.  We have been so thankful for the ways they have provided for all the moving expenses, and we recognize that as a gift from the Lord.

2.       The sell of our home.  We were not planning to sell our home.  We planned at least five more years here, so we had not gotten around to all the things we thought should be updated before we tried to sell.  Due to the requirements of Andy’s job offer, we also had to list the house in the fall – which we felt was not the ideal time to sell (or to look for a home!).  On top of all that, we have 3 young kids, and I work from home.  Figuring out ways to handle the daily schedule and show the home gave me so much anxiety.  But, after two days on the market (during which, I even had time to sit on my parent’s pier alone and do a little tanning!!), we had 5 offers, and almost all were over asking price.  If that’s not God showing up big time, I don’t know what is.

3.       Finding our home in Charlotte.  This story is special to me, and requires a little background.  In 2013, when I found out I was pregnant with Daniel, Andy and I knew that we wanted me to stay home with him.  When we sat down with our budget and tried to see how that would work financially, the numbers did not add up to lose my salary.  I will never forget being on an elliptical at the gym and hearing God say, “The numbers don’t add up but don’t worry about that.  Trust me.”  Soon after that, my friend Laura Smith sent me a song by Hillsong called Oceans that spoke to me about trusting God even though I couldn’t see how it was all going to work out.  Andy and I agreed that I would quit and that we would watch for God to show up, knowing that after a few years if it still wasn’t working, I would go back to work.  God more than showed up – blessing us so amazingly that it STILL gives me chills.  Fast forward to 2019, and we are house hunting in Charlotte, and my heart is not in it.  And then we walked into this one home in Matthews.  I can’t say I fell in love – my heart is still very much in Clemmons – but it felt special.  The curb appeal, the neighborhood, the space that was more than we could’ve hoped to have – all of it felt so perfect.  We were walking around and got to the master bathroom, and I realized that the homeowner had music playing in the background.  The song playing when I focused in was Oceans by Hillsong.  I am not one for signs like that – God almost never speaks to me in that way – but when I heard the song, I got chills.  It honestly felt like God was saying, “You didn’t see how all the pieces would fall together then and I more than had you.  I’ve more than got you now, too.”  I also just felt like that house was "the house" in that moment.  And our offer ended up being accepted. 

4.       I can’t even count the texts of encouragement that came through at just the right time.  Friends sending verses and stories from their own walks with the Lord and clips from sermons that spoke to me exactly when I needed. 

5.       Unexpected encouragement also came one week from a neighbor who made a point to walk up the street, catch me outside with the kids, and talk to me about all the times she had had to move due to her husband’s job.  She moved during the same season of life that I’m in and she talked about how hard all the moves were, but she also gave me encouragement that some of her friendships from each place had continued and grown stronger through the years.  Her son was marrying our babysitter in a few weeks, and she mentioned friends from all over the country who were coming to the wedding.  That same week, a lady who works at the YMCA, pulled me aside and told me almost the same things.  She talked about moving while her children were younger and she said, she drove HOURS from one place to another for a move and cried the whole time.  I could 100% relate to that feeling.  Then she said, “But you know, you plug in somewhere else.  When your kids are little, you are out and about with them and you make new friends because of their friends and each place becomes special.”  She said that their final move ended up being Clemmons and that this was her favorite place, which she said was not something she would’ve predicted.  Neither of these women probably knew exactly how much I have been struggling with this move, and yet both took the time to share these stories and give me the exact encouragement I needed at the exact right time.  I have no doubt that God brought them my way.

6.       Yesterday, one of our sweet pastors made a public goodbye to our family – which definitely made me cry AGAIN in church but was also incredibly thoughtful.  It also opened the door for another mom to connect with me while our kids played in the play area after the service.  We struck up a conversation almost immediately and a few minutes in, she said, “Are you the ones that Andrew said were moving to Charlotte?”  I told her we were, and I told her that it was hard for us but that we had no doubt it was God’s plan for our future right now.   In such a natural way, she ended up sharing part of her testimony with me relating to choices about her job and staying home with her kids and a unexpected 3^rd baby.  The overarching theme she shared with me was God’s absolute faithfulness when she couldn’t see it and his provision when for details he knew before she did. 

7.       Yesterday afternoon, another neighbor stopped by with a goodbye gift for our family.  One of the things she gave us was a stack of prayer cards, and as I shuffled through them, every single Bible verse seemed to stand out – like a conversation from the Lord that he was 100% with us.  Also, not so surprisingly, the memory verse for October that Abigail was given at church yesterday was Deuteronomy 31:6 – “Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid…for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.”   God has been speaking a similar verse in Joshua to me over the past few months.

This move is much harder for me than the move we made from Charlotte to Clemmons 5 years ago because 5 years ago, I felt so many promises from the Lord about what this place would be for our family.  This time, I have felt none of that.  I still have NO IDEA why God is taking us to Charlotte other than the fact that it is a good career move for Andy.  In every other way, though, Charlotte is not as desirable as Clemmons is for our family.  BUT, God has made it SO CLEAR that we should move and while he isn’t giving me the reasons why it’s time to leave, he continues to give encouragement that he will go with us and that fear should not be part of this equation.