I used to be skinny.
I know I’ll probably (hopefully?) be skinny again, but it is much harder
than I expected to go to the doctor and see numbers on a scale that I NEVER
expected to see or to look in the mirror and be shocked at this huge belly that
used to be bikini worthy. I also used to
be able to get on and off the floor with ease.
Now, I go to youth group and sit beside my sixth grade small group girls
and then do a weird, ungraceful limbs on all fours type of maneuver to get
myself back into an upright position.
Two weeks ago, I spent all day Saturday cleaning my house and on Sunday
I paid for it with a killer backache – I guess Daniel didn’t enjoy cleaning
very much. I know these are minor
complaints, but it feels like I’m giving up my whole body to be a mom – I know
that by the time the baby is born and I’ve spent a few weeks alone with him, I
WILL have given my whole body to be a mom!
If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know that I don’t do
well with change, and while I already love Daniel so much, and I absolutely can’t
wait to meet him, it does feel like my body and life are quickly belonging to
someone else instead of myself!
In church recently, I heard our pastor mention that Jesus
gave up his body out of his great love for us.
Of course you hear this Christian phrase all the time, but I think being
pregnant made it hit home with me in a new way.
John 1:18 tells us that Jesus is God.
John 1:3 tells us that “through him all things were made.” He was present and active in the creation of
the world. Jesus was not “born” in Bethlehem
for the first time – he existed as God well before coming to earth. One of my biggest fears about being a mom is my
long maternity leave with Daniel after having found my value in my job for so
long. I was telling Andy that I’m used
to being involved in my school and having intelligent conversations about pedagogy
with coworkers and (on good days!) exchanging deep thoughts with students about
literature. I’m worried that my brain
will turn to mush, and I’ll go crazy when I’m reading Goodnight Moon for the 50th time or changing a dirty
diaper on a screaming baby who can’t even say my name! But then I think about Jesus who exchanged
his home in heaven to live among humans who were not only unable to grasp half
of what he said but also thought he was the crazy one!
What I’m learning from Jesus and pregnancy and even marriage
is that true love always involves sacrifice.
Jesus sacrificed not only his
life, but his home in heaven, his unparalleled intimacy with the Father and the
Holy Spirit, and his God-like body and powers for a human body and public
criticism by his own creation because he loved us. Because he wanted the best for us. Because he understood the big picture more
than we ever could. He limited his own
freedom to free us. In Galatians 5:1,
Paul writes, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, do not let yourselves be
burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
The yoke of slavery he mentions is the Jewish laws the people had been
keeping to make themselves holy before God.
Paul tells them that because Jesus became a human and paid the price for
our sin – because he limited his own freedom as God to be a human sacrifice –
we are now free from those laws. We can
live knowing that the price has been paid instead of following every rule to
atone for sin. It was the ultimate act
of love that Jesus gave us this type of life.
I think motherhood is similar. I choose to limit some of the freedoms I had
prior to pregnancy because I love Daniel and I want the best for him. I used to enjoy an occasional glass of wine,
and there have been a few days during this pregnancy when a glass of Riesling
sounded amazing, but I am skipping the wine because I want him to have the best
chance at being healthy. Being thin is important
to me, but I have allowed myself to gain the appropriate amount of weight
during pregnancy because I want my son to grow and be strong. I enjoy my job, but I will stay home with
Daniel as long as I am able because I believe that no one can pour into his
life more significantly than I can, and I want us to have as much time together
as possible. I know I’m a first time
mother, but I think these and any other sacrifice I make for Daniel will be
more than worth it.
Almost two years ago, I sacrificed my home, my close
proximity to awesome friends, a wonderful church, and co-workers I loved to be
Andy’s wife, and in living together, we have both made sacrifices concerning
how we’d like to spend our individual time in order to please the other, but my
life has never been better. I have never
been happier, and life feels as though it could not possibly get any
better. Being a wife has shown me that
sacrificing for love isn’t a chore. It
is a gift, and one that I’m so thankful I’ve been able to give. I think motherhood will be the same.
I’m also so thankful for Jesus who truly gave it all in total
selflessness for our freedom. None of us
will ever be able to sacrifice for one another the way Jesus has sacrificed for
us, but he has given us a beautiful picture of true love. Andy and I picked 1 John 4:9-11 as one of our
wedding scriptures. It says, “This is
how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world
that we might live through him. This is
love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an
atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear
friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” For Jesus, great love WAS great sacrifice,
and if he is the model for love, what makes us think that loving one another
will mean anything less than giving all we are able to give for the good of those
around us?
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