The One I Reach for First

I really like Sugarland.  Ever since I caught a season of Duets, I have decided that Jennifer Nettles is possibly one of the nicest most down to earth people in the world – and she has a great voice.  One time I saw her perform with her band during the CMA’s, and I just couldn’t help but be riveted by their presence on stage.  And did anyone see her sing “O Holy Night” with John Legend??  Wow.

 

Today, I was having my ideal Saturday morning – cooking homemade soup in a quiet kitchen with Pandora playing in the background.  At one point, Sugarland’s “Fall into Me” began to fill the kitchen, and I started to hum along while I chopped and stirred.  I started to make me a little nostalgic for my wedding day, and I found myself wishing that Andy and I had used it for our first dance.  I listened to the lyrics a little more closely thinking about how they might apply to our relationship, and you know what I found?  I found conviction!  Those lyrics, though beautiful, don’t and shouldn’t fit our marriage.

 

Take this line for instance: “Fall into me.  My arms are open wide and you don’t have to say a word, ‘cause I already see that it’s hard and you’re scared and you’re tired and it hurts, and I wanna be the one you reach for first.”  At first it seems like such a nice sentiment – of course I want to be the person that Andy comes to when he is tired and scared and hurt.  Of course, I don’t want him running to anyone else to share his heartache.  But the more I listened to the song, I realized that I don’t want to be the one he reaches for first.  First, I want him to reach for the Lord – the only one who really understands how he feels and the only one who can give him the solutions and the type of comfort he needs.

 

Have you ever noticed that when we are tired and hurt and scared, the first person we run to is usually NOT the Lord?  It is no secret that adjusting to my new life and job in Charlotte has not been the easiest situation.  There have been fears and hurts and times when I felt exhausted, and I have been more than guilty of running to other people with those feelings over the Lord.  I am quick to pick up a phone and call a best friend or old coworker or my mom or Andy instead of taking my concerns and hurts to the Lord.  I do the same thing when I’m angry or frustrated.  You know what I’m discovering about those conversations?  Sometimes they are good and productive, but lots of times they aren’t.  Just this week, for example, I called my mom to vent a frustration, and after hanging up the phone my heart felt even more bitter! I thought that venting would help me move on, but it didn’t.  Instead, it made me angrier, and it spewed all my unhappiness on my mom and put a damper on her day, too.  If I had run to the Lord first and asked him to fill my heart with his peace and love and grace, I would have taken one more step toward being more godly, and I would have felt better. 

 

I think the same is true of hurts and disappointments and sadness.  There are times when I don’t even understand how I feel, so how could I expect Andy to understand?  The Sugarland song I heard this morning implies that the woman perfectly understands how her man feels and is perfectly able to meet his needs.  My experience has been that there are times when Andy does understand how I feel, and he is able to make me feel better, but the comfort he brings is only temporary.  The next day, we both go off to work, and my worries or struggles are still there.  Andy can’t meet all my needs.  He can’t be there whenever I need him, and I can’t expect him to understand how I feel all the time.  He can’t be the “one I reach for first.”  But Jesus can be the one I reach for first.  He is available anytime with perfect understanding and perfect peace.  He can quiet my fears and hurts, and he can give me the strength to respond to frustrations in a positive, graceful way. 

 

Before the song was over, I was able to listen to it and imagine it being sung from the Lord to us.  Listening to it that way put a wonderful, new spin on it.  You try it: “Fall into me.  My arms are open wide and you don’t have to say a word, ‘cause I already see that it’s hard and you’re scared and you’re tired and it hurts, and I wanna be the one you reach for first.”  Sounds a little like “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls,” doesn’t it (Matthew 11:28)?