I Don't Iron...and It's Ok

I don’t iron Andy’s work shirts.  I’ve basically never ironed his work shirts.  I hate ironing, and I especially hate ironing men’s shirts.  I know this sounds insane, but I hate the way the fabric feels on my fingers.  After ironing about three shirts, I feel like I need gloves because the tips of my fingers are tingling.  I also hate trying to figure out how to get the wrinkles out of the tiny places – like where the collar meets the shirt or in between the button holes.  Based on my shirt ironing performance alone, I’d be awarded an F- as a wife.  Fortunately, though, being a wife is not like being an employee.  Andy doesn’t give me a grade.  He isn’t looking to see how well I iron shirts or cook dinner or clean the house.  He is concerned more with the quality and depth of our relationship than my performance.

 

Something I feel like God has been teaching me lately is that he is like my husband in this area – he is more concerned with the quality of our relationship than my performance.  You see, I get caught up in trying to be the perfect Christian, and I honestly can’t do it.  I look at areas of struggle – like fear and worry and lack of trust – and I get frustrated that I’m still struggling with the same sins.  I’ve been walking with Jesus for 20+ years, and I’ve seen him do amazing things, but when a difficulty comes along, I fall into the same weaknesses over and over.  My pattern is so predictable now that I could draw a diagram.  It would look like this: Problem – Fear – Worry – Frustration – Lots of Prayer and Listening to God – Momentary Peace – Reminder to Worry – Repeat.   

 

I’ve thought about my pattern several times over the years, and whenever I think about it, I feel like the worst Christian in the world, and I usually end my reflection with a commitment to “work on” this struggle.  What I’m starting to see, though, is that my whole mindset is ridiculous.  Christianity is not about following the rules or a particular pattern of behavior – but, let me tell you, I am tempted to believe that it is.  Sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) I look at faith and measure my commitment based on how long and insightful my quiet times are, how well I know the Bible, how much I read God’s word AND other Christian works, how I’m mastering spiritual disciplines, how often I go to church or Bible Study, and what type of service I’m doing.  You know where the focus on all those items is?  On me.  I’m trying to measure the quality of a relationship with what I’m doing.  That would be like trying to describe my relationship with Andy based on how many shirts I iron, how often I cook dinner, how many times I engage in activities he enjoys, or the number of texts I send him during the day.  Those items do show something of the commitment that I put into our relationship, and they can, in total, make up our relationship, but individually they do not speak to the quality of our marriage.

 

I think the same is true of my relationship with the Lord.  When I look at areas of struggle and let those weaknesses represent the whole of my walk with Him, I am putting the focus in the wrong place.  One short coming does not speak to the whole of my relationship. To see the whole relationship, I must also look at areas where the Lord is growing me.  Furthermore, I was listening to a sermon last night that put an entirely new spin on weaknesses.  It was a sermon from JD Greer at The Summit Church in Raleigh.  It is the one from June 2, 2013, and you might want to listen to it here.  In it, he said, “If dependence is the objective, then weakness is an advantage.”  I thought about my propensity toward worry and fear, and while I know it is a weakness, I can also see how that struggle makes me stronger in the Lord because it forces me to learn to depend on him.  I am a person who ALWAYS has something I feel worried about, but those are areas that constantly push me to the feet of Jesus.  I pray about the concern, but I also pray about the underlying weakness that is my lack of faith. 

 

Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”  Recently, I was praying earnestly about a present worry, and I felt God’s peace in a really cool way.  I got a glimpse of what it looks like to rest in the Lord, and I actually feel peaceful about God’s provision and plan in the situation right now, but if in another two or three or four months, the situation isn’t resolved, I know I’ll feel fear and worry again.  I’ll still struggle, but I think I have to let myself off the hook for that.  I think that instead of focusing on trying harder, I should focus on my relationship with the Lord and thank him for the weakness that causes the struggle that pushes me closer to him.  I may not be mastering the spiritual discipline of waiting on the Lord, but the truth is that Christian activities like increasing Bible reading or study or church attendance alone are not going to help me in meaningful ways.  They are helpful practices, but I’ll only be changed as my relationship with the Lord deepens, and I honestly believe my struggle is producing that intimacy.  But I think I also have to realize that even as I grow in this area, trust may always be weakness – and that is ok if I allow my weaknesses to make me strong in Christ.

 

I’ve spent much of this blog focusing on my individual struggle, so before I conclude, I want to reiterate that I think the overall concept could apply to any area of weakness.  I’ve seen people who struggle with eating disorders and addictions.  I’ve seen people who struggle with pride or anger or a need for control or selfish ambition or just plain old complacency in faith.  I am not suggesting that giving into these areas of weakness is not sin.  It definitely is.  I am suggesting, however, that instead of beating ourselves up about being horrible Christians and then trying to increase our spiritual practices in order to overcome the weakness is the wrong path.  The right path might be praising God for the weaknesses in our lives because they push us to seek him.  It might be recognizing that he may never remove our temptation in a particular area but that as we allow the temptation to push us to him, we will find strength for the moment.  The struggle might continue for years or even for our lifetime, but it is in the struggle that we find the gift of grace and the power of God.