The Wedding Card I Should Have Written

I sent a wedding gift last week.  I scrolled through a registry of pretty, shiny items (a little jealous that I hadn’t thought of some of them for my own registry a few years ago), and I picked a gift.  As I clicked through the prompts leading to check out, I was given the opportunity to include a message to the bride and groom.  The baby was waking from his nap.  I could see him squirming on the monitor, and I quickly plucked out the standard, “Praying God’s blessings on your marriage!  Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness!!” entered my credit card information, and shut my laptop in time to make a bottle and head to the nursery.  And since that moment, I haven’t been able to get the words out of my mind.  It was the wrong message.  It actually wasn’t what I wanted to say.  But the 200 character limit on the Pottery Barn website wasn’t enough to communicate my wishes for the bride and groom.

If I had it to do over, and had more space, I would’ve said something different.  I would’ve said this:

I hope your first year of marriage is beautiful, but I pray it isn’t smooth sailing.  I hope you have moments of disagreement and a few arguments.  May you have a day when you look at this person you chose and you think, “Oh my goodness, what have I done?” because it is in those moments that you must choose to fall forward.  It is in those moments that love isn’t easy, that it doesn’t come naturally, and that you must learn what it means to be patient and kind and self-sacrificing.  I pray you learn that. 

I hope you are hurt by your new spouse once or twice.  I pray that his selfishness stings your feelings and leaves you crying in the shower where you think he can’t hear because in those times, you learn the meaning of “love keeps no record of wrongs.”  You learn, in those times, to be more like Jesus.  To forgive even when it hurts and to forget even when you don’t want to.  You learn how selfish YOU really are, and you learn to become more humble and more gentle.

I pray you have seasons of great joy and much laughter.  But I also hope you have a few times of disappointment and sadness because in those times, you learn to lean on one another and push one another towards the Lord.  I pray those times make you strong as a couple and give you a foundation with this man or woman you have chosen that you will have with no one else.  I pray that you will have a night or two when you are so heartbroken that only the solace of her arms will do, and that in that embrace, you have a glimpse of the sweet love we have from our Father in heaven.

I pray for times of great change when nothing is comfortable because the decisions made in those times and the life you plan when everything is shaky gives you a shared vision for your future.  Seasons of change teach you to pray together and to depend on God together.  You become a team because of that time.  It is when everything is changing that you build your life, and you build it together.

I pray the Lord sends you babies.  I pray for love and laughter and squeals of excitement when you see a positive pregnancy test or the doctor calls or the adoption agency tells you that you’ve been matched.  But I also hope you have some sleepless nights with a crying child.  I hope that you cross paths at 3:00 am bleary eyed and exhausted because in those times you must look past the craziness that is your life and see the effort your spouse is giving.  In those moments, you experience the relief of his steadiness when he takes a screaming infant and tells you to go to bed.  On those nights, you see her selflessness as she gets up again to give another piece of her battle worn body to nourish and protect this child you love.

Ultimately, what I want you to know is that God’s blessings don’t necessarily come in times of joy and laughter.  I want you to know that the times of stress and hurt and exhaustion and loneliness and change can also be his greatest gifts.  In those times, you learn dependence on and faith in the Lord, but you also have the opportunity to lean in towards your spouse.  You have the chance to choose again and again to be with this person you’ve married.  You have the chance to show him that you choose him – even when life is hard and laughter doesn’t come easy.  In those times, you build trust and intimacy and a firm foundation that you’d never have the chance to create otherwise.